Romeo Before Juliet


I read today’s Three Word Wednesday while listening to Hollerado’s song Juliette. This is what came out. The words were brandish, forbid and manage.

Romeo Before Juliet

He brandished his knife,
His face calm save for
The clenched jaw, and
Menacing tone of voice:
“I forbid you to see her.”

I managed to keep from
Begging by sawing into
The chicken on my plate.
After I chewed, I asked
Why she was unsuitable.

“That Rosaline is low,
Is common; you are
A Montague, my son-
Don’t you forget it.”

Then I woke, and
Sought the comfort of
My most beauteous lady-
Perhaps I may get close,
Close enough to hear
Her lilting voice, and
Place a flower in her hair.

© Bridget Noonan, 2011.

It’s not bad; needs some work, particularly at the end. Sometimes I feel like my free verse could be better expanded into a short story – it’s basically that anyway, but with line breaks here and there. Ugh. I don’t know.

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16 Comments

Filed under Poetry

16 responses to “Romeo Before Juliet

  1. it is like a sonnet I love it.

  2. I think it works, you could juggle the end – rhyme hear with near insted of using the first close, and swap here and her just for the hell of it! But what do I know? Have FUN!!

  3. I like the poem form for this. It works. When I feel as you do, I keep rearranging, reworking, rewording, until the form and diction please me.

    http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2011/05/11/words-daggers-and-swords-petite/

  4. I think your poem is great! But I understand… free verse is like that. Sometimes I feel the same way. Kim’s right… rearrange and tweak until you are satisfied.

  5. It has turned out well. I have the same dilemma as you, some times it gets itself written as a short story as a result 🙂

  6. earlybird

    Well, I like it. But maybe that’s because I like stories! That having been said, I agree with some of the comments above about the ending perhaps benefitting from a little tweaking.

    • Thanks! The more I look at it, the more I think I rushed it a bit. Either that, or I should just cut the whole last stanza entirely- leave it as Lord Montague’s disapproval of Romeo’s rampant hormones.

  7. It certainly has possibilities. I think the last stanza starts to work well but keep at it and tweak it to fit a future post.

  8. I like the specificity of it, how it’s the thoughts and conversation of father and son. It’s fitting that the last stanza is longer, and its subject matter contrasts with the earlier ones. And it makes me want to read Shakespeare. Thanks.

    Richard

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